


many stars shine like gold

by kyuupo



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Communication, Concerts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Healthy Relationships, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insomnia, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mild Blood, Minor Injuries, Secret Relationship, Supportive Dad Jinwoo, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, dating ban
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23355070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyuupo/pseuds/kyuupo
Summary: In the midst of a comeback, Bin worries about the future of his relationship with Dongmin.
Relationships: Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo & Moon Bin, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin, Moon Bin & Everyone
Comments: 17
Kudos: 67





	1. part i.

**Author's Note:**

> this is just something small i've been writing to keep myself busy. it'll only be around three chapters or so. please enjoy!

Bin is having trouble falling asleep.

The clock has just ticked past twelve in the morning, but despite the burn behind his eyelids and the enticing warmth curled up in his arms, Bin can’t sleep. Dongmin is tucked into his side, breathing soft against his neck. Bin has been threading his fingers through Dongmin’s hair for the past hour, but the repetitive motion has done little to lure him into unconsciousness.

Despite his restlessness, Bin is exhausted. _ASTRO_ are in the middle of promotions for their latest album _All Light_ , and the busy schedules and hard work have taken a toll on Bin’s health. His limbs ache from endless dancing. His skin—usually smooth and unblemished—has been breaking out from the cosmetics he wears on the regular. Tensions are high in the dorm as stress levels escalate, causing his bandmates to snap at each other and grumble about smallest of concerns.

Incidents like these are unavoidable during comeback season. Bin hates it. But the thing he hates most is how much he and Dongmin drift apart.

Bin has held the honour of dating Dongmin since pre-debut. They’ve spent just over three years of hiding a relationship from the watchful eyes of the public—and even from their bandmates at first, but Bin soon discovered that when you live in a cramped dorm with five other people, secrets are hard to keep. Unsurprisingly, their company caught on almost straight away. Fantagio kicked a massive fuss, but after realising that Bin and Dongmin were unwilling to split, guidelines were put in place and they were given permission to date in secret. 

Bin doesn’t want to keep it a secret for much longer. He’s tired of it all. Tired of hiding. Tired of deceiving their precious fans. Tired of the rumours, the speculations, the gossip. Tired of being prohibited to even glance at Dongmin in public, let alone touch or talk to him.

Bin is so tired, yet he can’t sleep.

His hand pauses from where his fingers are coiled in Dongmin’s hair. Realising that sleep is out of the question, Bin tries to extract himself from their tangled mess of limbs. It proves to be a difficult task, and Bin is almost out of bed when Dongmin makes a soft noise of protest. Bin sucks in a breath, holds it—then Dongmin’s eyes flutter open. Bin lets out his sigh.

“Why’re you awake?” Dongmin mumbles, reaching up to touch Bin’s cheek. Bin cups his hand over Dongmin’s fingers and tries to hide the tremble in his voice.

“I’m just thirsty, I’m going to get some water.”

Dongmin frowns blearily. He drops his hand. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Bin smiles, then strokes his thumb over the curve of Dongmin’s brow. Dongmin closes his eyes at the touch. “I won’t be long. Go back to sleep.”

Dongmin grunts and settles back into the pillows. Bin slips out of their bed. The floorboards are cool under his feet as he pads down the hall and into the kitchen. Moonlight illuminates the counter and sink, the latter of which cluttered with unwashed dishes and silverware. Bin ignores the light switch and instead moves to the refrigerator, where he fetches a jug of cold water. 

With shaking hands, he deposits the jug on the counter. Bin is no stranger to nights like these, but knows that his bandmates aren’t either. After all, the classic 1am breakdown doesn’t discriminate; it lurks behind the corner during album promotions, when the stress of packed schedules sinks its teeth into any oblivious member of _ASTRO_ and turns them into emotional, sleep-deprived disasters—that’s when it strikes. Bin has experienced it countless times in the past and doubts that tonight will be the last.

Above the stove is a cabinet that holds their mismatched mugs and glasses. Dazedly, Bin reaches inside. His fingers brush the curve of a cup, but in his unfocused trance, clumsiness gets the better of him and it slips out of his grasp. Bin stumbles backwards in the nick of time and only narrowly escapes danger; shards of glass are flung across the kitchen floor as the cup shatters, the ear-splitting noise cutting through the silence of the dorm.

Bin finds himself frozen in place, staring at what remains of the broken cup, heart pounding against his rib cage and making his breath come in quick, shallow pants. Then he hears it—the sound of footsteps, people rushing down the hall. It snaps him out of his daze, and he drops to his knees, collecting the glass chips with trembling fingers. In his fretfulness, Bin slices his finger. He hisses and drops the shard. Blood trickles down past his knuckle, warm and wet.

“Bin, what happened? Are you alright?” 

Voice thick with concern and sleep, Dongmin emerges from the corridor and hurries over. He flicks the light switch, and Bin winces as artificial brightness floods the kitchen. “Are you hurt?”

“Stay there.” Bin’s voice cracks and wavers. “You’ll step in the glass.”

“It’s alright, I’m sweeping it up.” A sleep-rumpled Jinwoo steps into view with a broom in his hands, clad in nothing but boxers and an old shirt. As Jinwoo gets to work, Dongmin moves towards Bin, carefully stepping over any visible debris. Bin keeps his head lowered, cheeks burning in embarrassment.

Dongmin reaches for the tissue box on the counter. “You’ve cut yourself. Hold on.” Dongmin kneels next to Bin, who offers his hand without a word. He remains silent as Dongmin dabs at the blood coating his skin. It’s only when the tissue nips at the wound on his finger that Bin winces and shrinks back, a soft noise slipping past his lips. Dongmin’s gentle touch falters.

He softly says, “Bin, why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying.” More tears slip down Bin’s cheeks. He swipes at them with the back of his hand, but they continue to pour like water from a tap. “I’m not.”

Wordlessly, Dongmin pulls Bin into his arms. It’s then that Bin can no longer find the strength to keep on fighting it anymore; he slumps against Dongmin, tucking his head against his collarbone and clenching a fistful of his shirt as the first sob is ripped from his throat. Dongmin inhales shakily and presses Bin closer, rubbing his back as he cries into Dongmin’s shoulder.

For the first time in a long time, Bin allows himself to let go. 

He cries for the torture that he and Dongmin have endured since the beginning—when their company snatched such a meaningful part of them both and demanded they lock it away for no one else to see or hear about. He cries for Dongmin holding back tears whenever they were scolded for standing too close to each other in public. He cries for the sleepless nights, the petty arguments and the concerned glances from his bandmates. And then Bin cries for his incapability to do anything about it at all. And then he cries harder. 

When his sobs die down to pathetic sniffles, he feels a warm hand on his back. “I’ve cleaned it all up, so don’t worry about it, okay?” Jinwoo says kindly. “Get some rest.”

The warmth disappears, and Bin can only assume that Jinwoo has retreated to their shared bedroom to get some sleep. Bin is grateful that their thoughtful leader didn’t attempt to pry into his personal problems—even if Jinwoo has good intentions, the last thing Bin wants is to be smothered. Truth be told, he wants nothing more than to just crawl back into bed with his boyfriend and forget this whole thing ever happened, but Bin knows that a heartfelt conversation he doesn’t really want to have will be on Dongmin’s agenda for tonight.

Dongmin is the first one to move. He peels himself away from Bin, and then carefully unwraps the tissue from Bin’s finger, which has been soaked red. Bin grimaces. The wound is not deep enough for stitches, but that doesn’t stop his finger from throbbing painfully.

“I think the bleeding has stopped. I’ll get you a band-aid.”

Bin pulls himself to his feet and leans back against the countertop, watching Dongmin through swollen, tired eyes as the man rummages through their untidy medicine cabinet. When Dongmin turns, he produces a strip of cheap plastic band-aids from a small box. He tears them apart and then seizes Bin’s wrist.

“Thanks,” Bin croaks as Dongmin carefully wraps up his injured finger. His concentrated expression makes a lump appear in Bin’s throat, and for some reason he feels like he might cry again.

Dongmin takes Bin’s hands in his own. Bin can’t quite meet his eyes. “Talk to me.”

“It’s just— I’m stressed about promotions.” Bin pulls his hands away. “You of all people should understand.”

There was a bite to his tone, but Dongmin doesn’t take the bait like Bin hoped. “I get it—this is a stressful time, it’s hard to deal with everything. But I can tell that something else is bothering you.” When Bin remains quiet, Dongmin presses, “You haven’t been yourself lately. You might think I don’t notice, but I do. I’m worried about you.”

“You don’t need to, I’m fine. Everything’s fine,” Bin snaps in response. _Shut up,_ he thinks to himself. _Bite your damn tongue._ “Quit worrying about me and worry about yourself instead. I don’t need to be watched over all the time, I’m not a child.”

Dongmin bristles at this. “I care about you Bin, you’re my boyfriend,” he says sharply. “Or maybe you’ve forgotten, because you don’t seem to be acting like one lately.”

Ouch. That stung. “No one said you had to care about me, you just chose to!”

“I chose to because I love you! Don’t you feel the same?”

Bin swallows hard.

Gone is the man shaking in anger; Dongmin shrinks back, the heat in his expression replaced with fear. When he opens his mouth, his voice trembles. “Bin?”

“Of course I feel the same,” Bin rasps. He wipes at his eyes, taking a deep, shuddering breath. “God, Dongmin, I’m so sorry, I…”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” Dongmin reaches for Bin’s hands again. Bin laces their fingers together, then squeezes. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have raised my voice while you were upset, that wasn’t fair. If you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong, then I’ll respect that.” Dongmin rubs his thumb over Bin’s knuckles tenderly. “I just… I want you to rely on me sometimes. I can handle it.”

Bin looks down at their clasped hands. Dongmin’s skin is smooth and pale against his own, fingernails neatly trimmed. “I… I’ve had enough of hiding, Min. It’s all becoming too much.” Dongmin goes to speak, and Bin quickly adds, “I know that there’s nothing we can do. It’s not fair on our fans, and the others, but…”

“It’s not fair on you, either. Or me,” Dongmin finishes. “Trust me when I say this, Bin—I want nothing more than to make our relationship public. Being unable to show affection to you in front of everyone… It hurts.” His voice breaks, and Bin feels his heart clench. “But if that’s what I have to sacrifice in order to be with you, and be part of _ASTRO_ , I’m willing to tolerate it.”

Bin fears that if he tries to speak, he’ll start to cry, so he silently drops his forehead onto Dongmin’s shoulder. Sighing softly, Dongmin brings his hand to the back of Bin’s neck and envelopes him in a comforting embrace.

“We’ll get through this. Together.”

Bin’s lower lip trembles. “I love you.”

“I love you too. More than anything else,” Dongmin murmurs into his hair. He pulls back and presses his lips against Bin’s forehead. “Let’s go back to bed.”

In the hallway, Jinwoo slinks back to his room.


	2. part ii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of fixed my laptop. it's still a pile of trash though. 
> 
> sorry this chapter took so long! I've kind of fallen out of the kpop fandom. I still love astro though, I don't think I'll ever stop loving them, so it was a joy writing this up. thanks for your patience friends! :3

Weeks pass in a blur and without a word of the incident. When Bin awoke the morning after, Jinwoo offered him a sympathetic smile along with a mug of coffee, but his remaining bandmates were either oblivious to the disturbance that night or too stressed to care.

Bin almost forgets it ever happened, until recently. Despite his loud and playful demeanour, Bin has a knack for being quite an observant guy most of the time. So when his bandmates—excluding Dongmin—started acting skittish whenever he walked into a room, he took notice. Bin brought it up in conversation occasionally, trying to play it cool or crack a joke, but his friends assured him that nothing was out of the ordinary, and he told himself to drop the subject. 

That was two days ago. Bin slumps against the wall of the dance studio as he thinks this over, bringing a water bottle to his panting lips. The gut instinct that something is wrong has only grown stronger since then, almost becoming a constant ache. Or maybe he’s just hungry.

Bin’s eyes flicker to Minhyuk, who is stretching in front of the mirror. He entertains the thought of the quiet, hardworking dancer hiding something from him. Unlikely, considering he and Minhyuk have been thick as thieves since debut, but still possible. He could be hatching a plan with the others; Minhyuk rarely likes to work alone. He could be tag-teaming with Sanha…

A small towel is deposited on his lap, pulling Bin out of his thoughts. He looks up and is met with the sweaty, handsome face of Lee Dongmin smiling down at him. And like many times in the past, Bin is once again struck with the realisation that he is dating someone like Dongmin—someone extremely beautiful, yes, but also kind enough to bring him a towel.

“Thanks,” Bin says as he wipes his face. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Dongmin lift his shirt to dab at the sweat under his chin. Bin’s mouth goes dry at the sight of his pale stomach. He swallows. “You worked hard today.”

“So did you. As usual.” 

Dongmin leans back against the wall and runs a hand through his hair. Bin is overcome with the urge to do that himself—then he remembers where they are, and realises that he can. He reaches out. His fingers glide effortlessly through the damp but soft strands, smoothing them away from Dongmin’s sweat-slicked skin. Like a cat, Dongmin leans into the touch and closes his eyes. Bin’s heart jumps.

“Can you two stop being so gross?” Sanha whines from his spot in the corner. He stretches out a ridiculously long leg and pokes Dongmin in the thigh with his toes. Dongmin pulls a face and scoots closer to Bin. “I feel sick enough from our practice already. Yuck.”

“Piss off, no one asked you.” Bin swats at the foot with his towel and Sanha recoils with a smug grin. Having completed his post-dance stretches, Minhyuk overhears the exchange and snickers. 

“Yeah, save that stuff for the bedroom.”

Bin snorts. “At least I get some, unlike you two.”

“That was uncalled for.”

Dongmin sighs, his cheeks a pretty shade of pink. “Shut up, the three of you.”

“Snacks are here!” Jinwoo calls from the door. A tall, plump man—their manager, Noh Taeyoon—steps into the room, carrying reusable plastic bags full of goodies from their local convenience store—a special treat after practice. Dongmin hurries over to help like the angel he is, and with a grunt, Bin slowly rises to his feet. Snacks and lollies are passed around.

“Don’t eat too much, we still need to have dinner,” Jinwoo says to everyone as he hands a packet of potato chips to Sanha. “I’m looking at you, MJ, put those back!”

Bin digs through his plastic bag until he finds the brand of candy that Dongmin likes. He looks up to see Dongmin rifling through his own bag, undoubtedly looking for the sweets. “Min. Here.”

“Ah, thank you.”

Dongmin delicately rips the packet open but Bin is one step ahead of him, already shoveling chips into his watering mouth like he hasn’t eaten for weeks. His appetite is otherworldly as it is, and dancing never fails to take a toll on his poor stomach. Bin catches Dongmin’s eye roll and grins at him through a mouthful of food. Dongmin looks away, but Bin sees him laughing. Success.

Manager Noh clears his throat. “Ah, Moon Bin and Eunwoo, can I talk to you both outside?”

It’s almost comedic, how Bin has an instant reaction. His blood turns ice cold, and his whole body freezes; all he can do is stare at their manager. Noh is standing by the door. Bin tries to read his expression. He looks indifferent. What’s he feeling? What’s he thinking? Bin can’t tell. He wishes he could. For all he knows, this could be the moment when their manager breaks the bad news, when he tells them that Fantagio have gotten tired of keeping their dirty little secret. When their company kicks them both to the curb and forbids them from ever returning to the idol scene again. This could be it. Bin’s stomach lurches and he regrets eating those potato chips so fast.

Dongmin breaks the silence. “Okay.” He places their food on the floor and follows Manager Noh out of the practice room. After a nudge from somebody’s elbow, Bin snaps out of his trance and trails after the both of them. His legs are numb.

Dongmin is already talking as Bin closes the door behind them. “Have we done something wrong?” Bin glances at him. To the average person his question would sound polite, but Bin hears the apprehension in his voice and sees the tremble of his fingers. Bin takes a step closer.

“No, no. Of course not. You’re fine,” their manager says. He smiles, and that does it; relief washes over Bin like a warm, comforting blanket, and his shoulders slump as his entire body relaxes. We’re fine, he thinks. They can’t touch us. “I just wanted to talk to you about… this.”

He gestures loosely in their direction. Dongmin frowns. 

“Our relationship?”

“Yeah. Well, more specifically, what that means for your future.” Noh scratches back of his head, the movement a little stilted. Bin loves their manager, but his talent lies in handling their schedule; he was never great at addressing personal affairs. Bin fidgets, feeling awkward just watching him. “You’ve been together for a while now, right?”

“It’ll be our three year anniversary on Thursday,” Bin chips in, because he would never forget such an important date. They have a movie night planned—well, every year they have a movie night planned, because Dongmin usually has solo activities and Bin wants to nail their new dance routine. They never have time for fancy dinners or outings.

“As you both probably know, most companies have a dating ban. Three years after debut, the ban is usually lifted, and idols are permitted to date. Well, publicly date.” 

Bin almost laughs. Of course he knows about the dating ban. Who doesn’t? Not only was it one of the countless rules drilled into his head during his trainee years, but it’s also been the bane of his existence ever since he became an idol and Dongmin’s partner. It’s a well-known fact that most companies enforce the ban purely for the sake of public image; it does little to actually prevent idols from dating each other in secret. Bin’s relationship with Dongmin is a prime example, after all.

“I understand that _Fantagio_ has that rule in place, but what does it have to do with us?” Dongmin looks troubled, his eyebrows pinched together and lips pressed tight. Bin wishes he could reach out and smooth the creases away from his pretty forehead. “Part of our agreement with them was that we’d never be able to go public with our relationship, even though we’ve been together for a while. They said it would spark negative backlash.”

Noh’s expression morphs into something gentler. “About that… I received word from your group that this whole dating ban has really taken a toll on both of you lately. I had a chat with _Fantagio_ and managed to convince them that this could be an issue, with the album release date coming up so fast and all.”

Bin swallows. Hard. He can hear his own heart beating through his ears. _This is cannot be happening right now._

“After the upcoming tour, _Fantagio_ has decided to release a public statement about your relationship, and they want you two to follow it up with a vLive that confirms the news.” Noh chuckles, but Bin can hardly hear him. It feels like his head is swimming underwater. “They also want you to be more, uh, open with your fan-service during the tour. To build up rumours. How does that sound?”

Their group won’t finish the tour until early April, and after that there is a scheduled hiatus, so it makes perfect sense to drop the bombshell then. Bin can’t find it in himself to care about the long wait. He’s far too thrilled that this—a dream he and Dongmin have had their entire relationship—is actually becoming a reality, right before his eyes. His cheeks hurt from how much he’s smiling, and he turns to Dongmin. His boyfriend’s worried expression is not something he was expecting to see at all; Bin reaches for his hand.

“It’s just… What about everyone else?” Dongmin says softly, glancing at the door to the practice room. Bin could now hear the familiar, muffled noise of his bandmates fooling around inside. “This is a topic we haven’t really discussed with them. If this all goes poorly, their careers could suffer because of it. That’s not something we want.”

“Well, yes, that’s not ideal. There was heavy emphasis on this risk during my meeting with your company,” Noh says, but the words don’t carry much weight. “You are right about that. But all you have to do is ask them.” He smiles, “After all, they were the ones who approached me about this in the first place. If they didn’t want to go through with it, they wouldn’t have asked, yes?”

Well... Bin can’t argue with that.

Manager Noh glances at his sleek black watch. “I’ll give you both some time to collect yourselves and talk with the others for their approval. We still have a while before we head back home.” With a warm smile, he claps both Bin and Dongmin on the shoulders. “Congratulations, you two. I know this is something you’ve wanted for a long, long time.”

Bin hears Dongmin say his thanks with a hoarse, wet voice as they both bow low to their manager. Noh nods, that gentle, fatherly smile still on his face, and heads back inside to the chaos. Bin’s chest once again swells with thankfulness, this time for their kind manager, who has been supportive of their relationship ever since it came to fruition during debut. 

He turns to Dongmin. His boyfriend has that troubled, distant look on his face that usually means he’s deep in thought. Bin squeezes his fingers. “Min?”

“I’m happy, Binnie, I really am,” Dongmin rushes to say. Bin relishes in the way Dongmin grips his hands so tightly; it a comfort. “I’m ecstatic, actually. I’ve been dreaming about this moment for what seems like forever. But… there are so many risks we have to consider.

“I realise now that this isn’t just about us.” His eyes flicker to the door. There are tears brimming in them, and Bin wants to kiss them. He would kiss all of Dongmin’s problems away if he could. “If our relationship goes public, there’s a good chance that _ASTRO_ would become no more. Is that really something you want to sacrifice?”

Bin pulls Dongmin into his arms. “I’d sacrifice anything if it meant I could show the world how much I love you.”

“Bin…”

“I’m serious, Dongmin. You are the most precious person to me,” Bin says as he withdraws to hold Dongmin’s small, handsome face in his hands. He squishes one of his cheeks with the pad of his thumb, then wipes away the wetness there. “I love being an idol, and I’ve loved every second I’ve spent with everyone else. But this is bigger than that. 

“I want this,” Bin murmurs, “but I won’t ask to go ahead with it if you’re not on board with me.”

Dongmin nods, squeezing his eyes shut as tears silently spill out of them, and buries his face into Bin’s shoulder. Bin lets him weep. He holds him tight and rubs his back, and if he cries a little as well, Dongmin doesn’t mention it.

Minutes go by and Bin slowly peels himself away, only to press his lips to Dongmin’s forehead. 

“Nooo, I’m sweaty!” 

Bin laughs as Dongmin weakly shoves him. Dongmin matches his grin, and Bin is simply happy to have eased the thick tension around them. He pulls Dongmin in for a quick kiss and when they part he says, “Don’t think about it too much. We don’t even know what they’ll say.”

Dongmin hums. “It pains me to admit it, but you’re right.” 

It’s Bin who shoves Dongmin this time. They briefly engage in a playful pushing war before Dongmin reminds Bin that they don’t have much longer left until practise is over. Together, they collect themselves, and Bin takes a deep breath before opening the door to the dance room.

It turns out they didn’t need to worry at all.

Bin and Dongmin are greeted with cheers and a group hug so sudden it almost makes Bin jump out of his skin. His confusion is sated when Jinwoo begins to explain that they knew what was happening all along, and were the ones who encouraged Manager Noh to act in the first place.

“But really, it was all our great leader here!” Myungjun butts in, slapping his hands on Jinwoo’s shoulders. Jinwoo winces but looks a little sheepish. “He was the one who came to us with the suggestion in the first place. We just agreed with it.”

“Are you sure you all want to do this?” Dongmin speaks up. His voice sounds firm and serious, but Bin can hear nervousness underneath as well. “Once we announce it, it’s done; there’s no going back. You have to be completely sure—”

“Dongmin. All we want is for you both to be happy,” Jinwoo says kindly. “And if a few negative rumours is all it takes, well… we don’t mind.”

Bin wants to say that this won’t just end in a few homophobic articles or whispers behind their backs. They won’t just lose a couple of fans—they could lose everything. If this goes poorly, all of them can wave goodbye to the rest of their careers. Bin knows that there’s no need to say these things, because everyone is already aware of those risks. They all know what’s on the line, yet they still choose to press forward.

Bin doesn’t think he’ll ever love a group of people more.


End file.
